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Home > Diagnosis Depression -- Result: Flowers!
 

Diagnosis Depression -- Result: Flowers!

September 13th, 2006 at 09:09 pm

Yep. It has struck me now, too. I've been trying hard to fight it, to ignore it, and to ovecome it, but it isn't working.

With DH working out of town full time now, and all the anxiety of an upcoming move with but no certainty of dates except that it will either be before Christmas or before St. Patricks Day. Cross-country. Where I'll be even farther from my home and my family in Georgia.

Where I have no job and haven't had one in a couple of years. And fear of getting a job just to have a job because it could negatively affect what I am offered once we do move and I get hired the company where DH works (and that being uncertain, although quite probable).

Let's just say that living without the lights on for a few weeks probably didn't help much (da*n frugality). Oh, and heredity plays its part, too. Dad has depression (severe, paired with PTSD from Vietnam), Grandmother had mental health issues including but not limited to depression as did aunt on the same paternal side. In fact, all the children on that side suffer from depression. On my mom's side we aren't as sure. Nothing was ever diagnosed anyway.

And now me. It was so hard for me to admit it to my husband. He admires strength and independence - and he doesn't appreciate low-self-esteem or weakness. But of course, he is a wonderful loving husband, and I shouldn't have worried about that, because he knows I am still strong and all of that, I'm just having trouble dealing with a heck of a lot right now. I mean, we haven't even been here 10 months yet! And already to be moving again... sheesh! And I'm the one who really has to deal with all of the moving and financial stuff as he works on the project out of town. He's just beginning to get an idea of how involved it all is. Of course admitting all of this over the phone was difficult too. I don't want him feeling additional stress worrying about this (it's no cakewalk for himeither, being away from me and dealing with all the pressure of a new job), but I need him to know and to be supportive, too.

And he is. He sent me flowers today. He never sends me flowers. Okay, that's not true. He sent me flowers on our 11th monthiversary when we were dating. That was November 14th, 2001. It was so sweet. Of course it made me cry (been doing a lot of that lately). I called his work number, but got the voicemail... he said he had a hard time understanding the message. Oh well, whiel most of my tears are no ones' fault he gets full credit for those. In a good way Smile.

And I have the number for the Employee assistance program so I can get a referral to a service provider here to determine if I just need psychotherapy (that sounds so intense, it's really just "talk therapy") or if I need medication as well.

I didn't want this to be happening to me. I wanted to be strong enough. But I'm being the strongest person I can by seeking help -- because I hate to admit that I am not coping well on my own.

11 Responses to “Diagnosis Depression -- Result: Flowers!”

  1. rosenamemy Says:

    You sound depressed. There is a chemical imbalance in your brain when you feel like this. Please seek help.

  2. JanH Says:

    that's a lot to handle at once. and with family history. seek out two things:a really good doctor/psychiatrist for meds and a good therapist to teach you management skills for your disorders. it sometimes takes a try or two. i have dysthymia, some obssessive-compulsive, severe panic attacks and mild bipolar. in the last eight years, i have finally found the doctor and therapist that can help me and i live a fuller, more wonderful, life. both my children also have disorders including social anxiety disorder that we've just found in my college daughter. she is doing great now. you can learn skills to help you like i have for mild bipolar(no meds there) and you will eventually learn to laugh at your unique abilities. we are supposed to be very creative and have a unique view on life. there are a lot of us. get help and be sure we are thinking of you. it takes awhile for the partner and family to understand, but my family has learned to validate what i go through and appreciate me for who i am. i am hoping that for you also. take care of yourself. i too live far away from family and it is hard because they are the ones who love and support you. don't be afraid to vent to those of us who have been there. we know.

  3. LuxLiving Says:

    GTBDF - yahhh girl get yo'sef some talk therapy!! Get yourself some sunshine as well. I've been slinging the drapes open every morning for the last week myself as I was cave dwelling during August to keep the electric bill down. It was starting to wear on me too! We need our rays - that good old Vitamin D for the happy face to come out.

    Is it safe for you to take a walk where you live? Get out and do some-thang! Go to a park/mall/safer neighborhood and walkercise. Do something good for someone else. Regroup and luxuriate in taking care of you time right now while the husband is away. Good time for a few spa nights in your home bath, doing the pedicure, the wax, the long soak. Call a girlfriend and invite her over for a girls movie night w/popcorn, pizza and puttering about in your jams giggling the night away. Get a new hairdo. Take a class of somekind or audit a nearby college course. Anything to get yourself out in the swing of things.

    I'm tickled for you that your husband sent you flowers! Good for him. Very hard for both of you right now! Uncertainty is very stressful

    I'll be thinking about you. Write if you need to! ~LLFrugalis, PsychoBabblist to the DebtDepressed

    P.S. Let us know what you've decided to do (at least one thing) to help defunkify yourself!



  4. JanH Says:

    should have said--dysthymia is a depression disorder. my dad said it made him feel like he had a long case of flu. that describes it well. no one in the family had ever had treatment so this was a struggle to figure out. i needed to change doctors and the first therapist was not good for me. keep trying. i care.

  5. Great to be Debt Free Says:

    Yes, I know it is really depression. I think I took 3 different "quizzes" on different sites (including the one for employee assistance-- not related to any drug companies). I'll be talking to them tonight after 7 PM when I have free minutes on the cell phone (got rid of the landline last month). Then I'll get a referral to a doctor who will give me a professional diagnosis.

    My dad was hospitalized 2 years ago with thoughts of suicide and it was really scary. I know enough about the disease to recognize that it is real and it's not just the blues. While I hate admitting that I have depression(why is there shame in this??? ), I know it is the healthiest thing I can do to seek treatment. I'll keep you all posted -- this site is so wonderful in so many ways. Thanks for your encouragement!

  6. JanH Says:

    here i am again. i have been told by those who know that living through shows you are indeed a strong person. don't beat up on yourself for that.

  7. Great to be Debt Free Says:

    Look at all the help that's out there -- at least I live in a time where treatment is so available! Just look at the links above my blog -- Yikes they're fast! 3 different sites to tell me I'm depressed -- I wish one of the links was like a "wina free trip to Disneyland" or a spa retreat at Hershey Park. That's help my depression! LOL

    The reality is, I needed to see it in print and to make myself accountable by putting this out there. You have my permission to check backand see if I have seen a doctor or pursued treatment.

    And thanks again for your encouragement. I just love y'all! (Southern twang reveals itself when I'm emotional Smile ).

  8. JanH Says:

    there has been so much stigma in the past against us that it is hard to realize that more people understand. you will still run up against people that act like you are "weak" when you are really strong. i think admitting it to yourself is a courageous step. probably the first step toward your health. it means you can heal that much faster. good for you!

  9. LuckyRobin Says:

    I have seasonal affective disorder syndrome. Depression hits me hard right around October so I start using my light box and taking vitamin D supplements right around now, usually. In fact, bought vitamin D today. Some people say there is a link between SADS and insufficient vitamin D once you are not in the sun so much.

    I did have a severe bout of non-SADS depression when I was fourteen, lasted a year, it was a very difficult time, very dark and frightening, and I never got effective treatment for it, though it was diagnosed. Hang in there, and get yourself the proper treatment, and you will get through this. I had another bout later in life and got on the right program with meds and it was much better.

  10. jessicasue4321 Says:

    while theres talk of disorders i'm a scizophrinc deppressive type.mine started out at 16 as manic deppression w/ pyhcotic features then severe deppression

    so girl please try to get help,mine is a childhood illness that got caught to late and i spent on 2 diffrent ocassions 3 weeks in a mental ward.[long family history of mental illness]

    crying alot bearly able to want to get up and enjoy life worrying ya it all sucks.

    i hope you the best though.

  11. Great to be Debt Free Says:

    Thank you to all of you! Especially those of you revealing your own diagnoses. It's helpful to be reminded that it's not just me. I tried to go to sleep but kept thinking about my dad finding out -- he doesn't manage his depression well, in my opinion. He sleeps crazy hours, has no schedule, and doesn't take his meds regularly. (He'll stay in bed for up to 36 hours at a time without eating or meds or anything.) I don't need him assuming responsibility for passing this trait on to me -- and I'm afraid he could. At the same time, I'd love the support of my mom right now, but if she knows, dad knows...

    I'm sure I'll end up talking this out with the doc whenever I get to see her. RIght now, I'd just love to go to sleep -- just not feeling tired though. oh well...

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