Yep. It has struck me now, too. I've been trying hard to fight it, to ignore it, and to ovecome it, but it isn't working.
With DH working out of town full time now, and all the anxiety of an upcoming move with but no certainty of dates except that it will either be before Christmas or before St. Patricks Day. Cross-country. Where I'll be even farther from my home and my family in Georgia.
Where I have no job and haven't had one in a couple of years. And fear of getting a job just to have a job because it could negatively affect what I am offered once we do move and I get hired the company where DH works (and that being uncertain, although quite probable).
Let's just say that living without the lights on for a few weeks probably didn't help much (da*n frugality). Oh, and heredity plays its part, too. Dad has depression (severe, paired with PTSD from Vietnam), Grandmother had mental health issues including but not limited to depression as did aunt on the same paternal side. In fact, all the children on that side suffer from depression. On my mom's side we aren't as sure. Nothing was ever diagnosed anyway.
And now me. It was so hard for me to admit it to my husband. He admires strength and independence - and he doesn't appreciate low-self-esteem or weakness. But of course, he is a wonderful loving husband, and I shouldn't have worried about that, because he knows I am still strong and all of that, I'm just having trouble dealing with a heck of a lot right now. I mean, we haven't even been here 10 months yet! And already to be moving again... sheesh! And I'm the one who really has to deal with all of the moving and financial stuff as he works on the project out of town. He's just beginning to get an idea of how involved it all is. Of course admitting all of this over the phone was difficult too. I don't want him feeling additional stress worrying about this (it's no cakewalk for himeither, being away from me and dealing with all the pressure of a new job), but I need him to know and to be supportive, too.
And he is. He sent me flowers today. He never sends me flowers. Okay, that's not true. He sent me flowers on our 11th monthiversary when we were dating. That was November 14th, 2001. It was so sweet. Of course it made me cry (been doing a lot of that lately). I called his work number, but got the voicemail... he said he had a hard time understanding the message. Oh well, whiel most of my tears are no ones' fault he gets full credit for those. In a good way .
And I have the number for the Employee assistance program so I can get a referral to a service provider here to determine if I just need psychotherapy (that sounds so intense, it's really just "talk therapy") or if I need medication as well.
I didn't want this to be happening to me. I wanted to be strong enough. But I'm being the strongest person I can by seeking help -- because I hate to admit that I am not coping well on my own.
Diagnosis Depression -- Result: Flowers!
September 13th, 2006 at 10:09 pm
September 13th, 2006 at 10:13 pm 1158181999
September 13th, 2006 at 10:26 pm 1158182792
September 13th, 2006 at 10:29 pm 1158182945
Is it safe for you to take a walk where you live? Get out and do some-thang! Go to a park/mall/safer neighborhood and walkercise. Do something good for someone else. Regroup and luxuriate in taking care of you time right now while the husband is away. Good time for a few spa nights in your home bath, doing the pedicure, the wax, the long soak. Call a girlfriend and invite her over for a girls movie night w/popcorn, pizza and puttering about in your jams giggling the night away. Get a new hairdo. Take a class of somekind or audit a nearby college course. Anything to get yourself out in the swing of things.
I'm tickled for you that your husband sent you flowers! Good for him. Very hard for both of you right now! Uncertainty is very stressful
I'll be thinking about you. Write if you need to! ~LLFrugalis, PsychoBabblist to the DebtDepressed
P.S. Let us know what you've decided to do (at least one thing) to help defunkify yourself!
September 13th, 2006 at 10:30 pm 1158183037
September 13th, 2006 at 10:33 pm 1158183181
My dad was hospitalized 2 years ago with thoughts of suicide and it was really scary. I know enough about the disease to recognize that it is real and it's not just the blues. While I hate admitting that I have depression(why is there shame in this??? ), I know it is the healthiest thing I can do to seek treatment. I'll keep you all posted -- this site is so wonderful in so many ways. Thanks for your encouragement!
September 13th, 2006 at 10:36 pm 1158183380
September 13th, 2006 at 10:42 pm 1158183778
The reality is, I needed to see it in print and to make myself accountable by putting this out there. You have my permission to check backand see if I have seen a doctor or pursued treatment.
And thanks again for your encouragement. I just love y'all! (Southern twang reveals itself when I'm emotional ).
September 13th, 2006 at 10:47 pm 1158184039
September 14th, 2006 at 04:34 am 1158204864
I did have a severe bout of non-SADS depression when I was fourteen, lasted a year, it was a very difficult time, very dark and frightening, and I never got effective treatment for it, though it was diagnosed. Hang in there, and get yourself the proper treatment, and you will get through this. I had another bout later in life and got on the right program with meds and it was much better.
September 14th, 2006 at 04:58 am 1158206300
so girl please try to get help,mine is a childhood illness that got caught to late and i spent on 2 diffrent ocassions 3 weeks in a mental ward.[long family history of mental illness]
crying alot bearly able to want to get up and enjoy life worrying ya it all sucks.
i hope you the best though.
September 14th, 2006 at 06:00 am 1158210007
I'm sure I'll end up talking this out with the doc whenever I get to see her. RIght now, I'd just love to go to sleep -- just not feeling tired though. oh well...